There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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