all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
