she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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