You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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