Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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