Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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