i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
