so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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