just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
