I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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