Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
