I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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