i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
