Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
