so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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