My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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