bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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