I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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