I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
