i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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