ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize