you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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