You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I didn't notice because vodka
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
