I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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