So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
