He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
