hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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