I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
