Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
