yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
