wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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