I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
