party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
