im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
