I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
