made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
two words...techno handjob
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is my gift to your gina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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