WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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