I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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