maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
