All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
