Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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