How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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