She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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