I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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