Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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