Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
