My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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