The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
