he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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