just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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