After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
