Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
