new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
