How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
