she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I puked a lego.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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