ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
