How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
