do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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