Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
