i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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