Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize