I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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