Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
