can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
